newbee.
September 14, 2012
Two days ago marked my first month at site. This entire process is still so new… I feel like such a ‘newbee’ in every sense of the word. I spend a lot of time with other PVCs from earlier groups and its quite an interesting dynamic. A lot of the near by volunteers (and the volunteer I’m replacing) belong to Moz15. Their group finishes their service in the coming months and COS (Close of Service) has been the topic of the hour in almost every gathering lately. I’m so curious as to how they are feeling, and of course, I’ve already pestered many of them with this question… but it seems like there are so many questions left unanswered. But these questions that fill my head are questions which I will figure out as I go… that no amount of advice can give me the answers to.
I look at them and I see myself and I recognize that we are on two complete opposites ends of the spectrum- they are finishing up their service while mine is still commencing. I look at them and I know that one day, I will be in their shoes- spending the last few months/weeks in Mozambique as the incoming group arrives at site. I will be the wise and experienced volunteer, while a handful of newbees take my place and pester me with their endless questions.
I wonder how I will feel once I get to this point in my service … there are so many things that pass through my head- how will my service be? Will I be happy? Will I ‘love’ it, as everyone says they do?
I guess this is my way of dealing with the unknown. When I was back in the states, the future was not entirely certain either- but there were things in my life that gave me a sense of stability. I was in a place that was familiar to me and I had a routine that I followed more or less.
I wonder if other Moz18ers are having the same thoughts running through their heads, or if I’m just weird. Maybe I’m weird. I don’t know.
But speaking of newbees, Moz19 arrives in country at the end of the month! Their training class is huge. I think it’s about 77 volunteers (but don’t quote me on that). 60-something coming frrm the states and a handful of others coming in from the program that got closed out in Cape Verde. I’m excited to be getting a new group in, but I’m probably the most excited about not being the newbe anymore! I mentioned this to one of my site mates the other day and he said, “what are we, hazing you?!” ahahah. Not at all. I just feel like such a baby next to all of these COS-ing Moz15ers. I guess I just want to feel like I’m not the newest/most clueless person anymore. Ahah.
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