Tip#18: “Understand that your frustration is about you.

written: feb.17/20

Tip#18: “Understand that your frustration is about you. It is about 1) your own expectations regarding tangible achievements within your own time frame, and 2) your limitations in coming up with appropriate teaching methods.”

Remember that list of 25 tips for Peace Corps Volunteers that I mentioned earlier? This is #18 and as I go through this journey that we call Peace Corps Service, I am at a point where #18 is loudly resonating in my head.

This past week brought more of the ups and downs that characterizes this crazy, ridiculous, exciting, and sometimes dissapointing experience.

Let’s take it back to last Monday, February 11^th. It was my first day working at a new organization (LeMusica). Since TIOS (my original organization) has been going through difficult times and work has come to a stand still while they sort out their office space fiasco, I scouted out another organization to work with. I was really excited about the possibility of working with another organization to occupy my time and potentially get involved in some of their projects. LeMusica stands for Levanta-se Mulher Siga o seu Camino. I first met them at a World Aids Day event back in December and after some research I came to find out more about them. They are a women’s organization that works with victims of domestic and sexual violence. Their beneficiaries are women, girls, and OVCs (Orphans and Vulnerable Children). Aside from their work with battered women and girls, they also run a preschool and an orphanage at their center. The orphanage is designated as the “Centro do Transito” (transit center) and it house 20 orphans full time. Off the bat, I was really impressed with the work that they do as advocates for women’s rights and empowerment. That being one of my main interest (in development and in general), I contacted them and inquired about the possibility of working with them. When they accepted, I was elated. That cliché about ‘one door closing so that another can open’ rang in my head and I felt good about the initiative I put forward in finding something else.

 

Now- let’s backtrack

 to Monday. I arrive at LeMusica, 45 minutes early. Having never made the trek across to the other side of town (deep into another bairro), I didn’t know how long it would take and I wanted to give myself plenty of time.

When my new supervisor arrived she took me into her office and explained in more detail what my role in the organization would be. She handed me a schedule and showed me where I would fill a gap. I would be tutoring the kids in the transition center, or as they say giving them “explicação.” I don’t remember what my reaction was at the moment, but I think I was so happy to finally have somewhere to be/something to do- that I didn’t really question it much and just went along with it.

I went back to the “transit center” and looked for the kids whose names were on the schedule. First on the schedule from 8:30-9:30am is Elias. Elias is 11 years old and he is in the 4^th grade. Elias walked into the room timidly with his textbook and pencil in hand… I made some small chat with him and eventually asked him what he needed help with (homework wise). Turns out, Elias’s professor doesn’t or didn’t assign him any homework. Ok, “show me what you’re doing in class,” I asked him… Elias opened up his book to a simple reading/comprehension text about a Mozambican family. I asked him to read it out loud but he just sat there and stared at me…. I was confused. Was Elias just overly timid with new strangers? Was he disinterested in his work? Could he read? And there it was- Elias could not read. “How can a fourth grade student not know how to read?!” I asked myself. “How did he get this far?” My mind was blown. And then it started- the unavoidable drawing of comparisons in between the world I knew and the world I now live in- “in the States, this would not happen.” Or does it? Perhaps, but not like this… 4^th graders know how to read… children much younger can read….

I put aside my judgements for the time being and tried to figure out how to proceed. I have no training as a teacher or a tutor, how am I going to teach this child to read?! I did the only thing I could think of and we read together, and by this I mean- I read slowly through the passage as he followed along and repeated what I said.

The second session of explicação ran a little smoother. I helped two 7^th grade girls (Carla and Maria) with the English homework. For the last session, I helped out two other children from the center: Sipriano and Maria de Ceu. They are also 4^th graders, but they read at (what I assume is) their grade level.

In total, I gave 3 sessions of explicação that day. In between sessions I hung out with the other kids from the center and tried to get to know them and the staff that works there. At one point during the day I saw a little boy with a book so I went over to him and asked if he was reading. He nodded but he flipped through the pages so quickly as if only looking at the pictures. I asked him if he wanted me to read to him and he agreed… within minutes, the size of my audience tripled and I had a handful of children sitting next to either side of me, listening as I read them a story “As mãos não são para bater” (Hands are not for hitting). Having all those kids willingly sit besides me for the chance to hear a story was probably the most rewarding thing I’ve done to date. It felt good.

I finished my day at LeMusica at 3:30pm feeling great. Sure, I had no idea what I was doing in the tutoring sessions but I had read to orphans and I had found a new job!

Monday came and went, but I distinctly remember thinking to myself, “This is great!... I went out and I found this! Yeaaaa!... but wait, Let’s not get too excited. Truth be told, tutoring is not my forte and I don’t want to be doing this long-term,…  I want to work within their women’s empowerment program… not just in their orphanage.”

Tuesday, February 12^th: The initial excitement of having found a second placement wore off quickly and I now find myself consumed by the stress and pressure of teaching and tutoring children. I don’t know how to explain it… but although I’ve always been a good student, I was never much for explanations. I understood the material, but I didn’t always feel like I could parlay the information to others. “I suck at explaining things,” I would say to my friends/classmates that asked for help from time to time….

The tutoring sessions this time around got more stressful and I ran into more kids with reading difficulties, and kids who seemed utterly uninterested/unwilling to participate. To be perfectly honest, I am not the most patient person with children so I had to try hard to mask my frustration.

I left the organization feeling completely opposite to the previous day. I felt anxious, stressed, and a little hopeless. I just felt lost. I knew that helping kids learn was a worthwhile thing to do, but I didn’t know that I necessarily wanted to do it, not in that way anyway. And then the guilt set in. How horrible of a person am I that I don’t want to tutor orphans?! I felt like a complete jerk for not having the desire to really continue with the tutoring sessions….

What is it about PC service that all of your emotions are so much more intensified? Feelings of joy and happiness feel like utter bliss, yet feelings of disappointment, sadness, and frustration feel completely miserable and all-consuming. I don’t know what it is, but perhaps it comes with the territory of being miles away from home, out of your comfort zone in a culture and language that is not your own, and intensified by the absence of your main support systems (like childhood friends, family, etc).

I got through the week and even began working with TIOS (my original organization again). During the weekend, I got away to a site that is two hours north of me with a few other Centralers. This site, Catandica, is absolutely gorgeous. It’s a quaint little town located amidst various mountain ranges and lush green landscapes. Manica is said to have the most fertile lands in the whole country and it was apparent especially after the rains. We were hosted by two education volunteers that teach at the secondary school in Catandica… 

The weekend consisted of Team Central (volunteers located in the central region of the country) bonding time, good food, Mardis Gras jambalaya, a great hike and I also killed my first chicken (with the help of my sitemate)! That’s right! WendyMaya killed a live chicken and had it for dinner! Ahaha. It was pretty epic.

From left to right: 1) holding the live chicken timidly
(2) My sitemate Shaney held down the chicken while I  killed it (3) Eeeeek!
(4) I did it! 6 months into my service, I finally worked up
the courage to kill a frango! (5) Alexandra, Sarah and I pluck and clean the dead bird.